Boobs, Tattoos and Twenty-something Girls

buttYesterday I went to my gym, put on my sports bra, black shorts and  semi tight purple tee-shirt.

A wonderful friend of mine…who is in her mid-twenties said something like”God your boobs are huge today.”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I thought about  putting on a black tee shirt..”

“No way, your boobs are awesome. .”

Boobs, breasts, ta-tas, hooligans we all call them something different because almost every body seems to like boobs. All shapes and sizes.

The strange thing is women under 35 treat boobs and their bodies differently.  They will show you just about anything at anytime.

A couple of months ago I was talking to a 22 year old friend who is also my client, IN HER OFFICE. She’s a beautiful tiny girl.  We started talking about tattoos and Heather suddenly said, “Oh, I just got a new one last week, you want to see?”

“Sure,” I said innocently.

Heather jumped up, came around  the desk, and pulled down her  dress pants and poked her tiny little butt right at me. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

She was wearing a lacy purple thong. A lovely sailing ship with a big sail was blowing across her right cheek.

I wasn’t offended just a little shocked and I  realize, once again, girls in their twenties are different. They think about bodies differently.

Boobs, boob jobs and tattoos are something to be proud of, to they talk about them and show off body parts with friendly ease.

Today girls say, “Look how great my boobs are!”

Thirty years ago we used to think stuff like that, that but we generally didn’t say it…out loud….to clients and business partners who are total grown-ups.

Girls and women have changed…but thankfully, I don’t think boys have. Guys still want and think and do the same stuff they used to.  They just want to eat, play their guitars really loud and look at boobs.


Old People on Ellipticals

I swing back and forth. One day I am paralyzed by the fear of age. I don’t want to get any older I’ve got to much to do, I want to learn to surf. I love rock climbing walls and live bands. I was the baby in the family I can’t get old.

And then there are the days I look at seniors and I’m filled with admiration for old people, especially when they are fearless. 

Last week I watched an older lady climb on the cyborg like elliptical machine at Anytime Fitness.  She was wearing yellow polyester pants and a sweat shirt with a  spotted cat mad out of sequins. Still she climbed onboard as thoughborn to elliptical.  She set the resistance and incline fearlessly and her skinny legs began churning away. Then she plugged her earphones in.and changed the tv channel so she could watch Ellen. |Hell yeah, that’s how you work out at 70.

Last week I ate lunch with a lot of sixty year old men in the Ohio Club, a fantastic historic bar in Hot Springs, AR.  Everybody tells stories and makes fun of each other.Jimmy Young brought his mother, a lovely eighty year old who cheerfully sipped a pint of dark beer while the rest of us drank sweet tea. She was wonderful and witty. Drinking dark beer at noon when you’r eighty, that’s how to roll it right as a senior citizen.

Recently my son worked out with his 25 year old boxing coach. Tony has a full sleeve tattoo, it’s a swirling dragon fish combo that’s actually really pretty.  I took lost of pictures. Latter that afternoon  I pictures of Tony and Sandor working out in tank tops, on Facebook.  Tony called me and said he’d “untagged” himself .  He explained his grand parents are his friends on FB and they don’t know about his giant swirling tattoo. How cute is that? Old people on Facebook, poking around, tagging, lol-ing and thumbs up-ing just like college sophomores.

Honestly, I wish my mother-in- law would get on Facebook, or at least learn to e-mail.  We live 1500 miles apart and if she would just try to get on line she would be so much more connected with her grand kids. She is missing out and so are my kiddos.It almost makes me mad. 

 Hopefully, when I’m 80 and my kids want to visit with me via hologram I will embrace the idea simply to be closer to those youngsters. And I hope in turn, they will be just like Tony the boxing coach and protect me from all the wicked stuff out there. I hope I won’t be afraid to hang out with the boys and have a beer and I hope I’ll have the guts to jump on a treadmill or elliptical and speed off  in my bedazzled kitty cat sweat shirt.

Comment or write to me  Thanks, DH

“Awesome Tattoo, Dude!”

I gripe all the time about stupid and tacky tattoos, but you know what. sometimes I see some really good ones. And I remember those for a long time.

Last summer I saw a dad at the lake and he had a tattoo of his daughters tiny foot print on his shoulder. That was so cute. I’ve mentioned Mike Tyson’s tattoo of Arthur Ashe several times just because it’s a surprise and kind of classy. And yes, I am talking about Mike Tyson the boxer (I like him so back off).
My two oldest children, jack and Mary have “bro tats” from the book Where The Wild Things Are because they both really liked that book growing up. Now of course Lexie, my 14 year old wants one of Max in his sailboat, so she’ll will match Jack and Mary. I’m not happy about that.

Mary had a couple of friends, one got a green pea tat and the other had a carrot so they could say they went together like peas and carrots.

The portrait tattoos of people’s faces kind of weird me out but they are at least   thoughtful.And chances are you won’t stop loving your mom or grandma’s face after a few years.

While “researching” this blog I saw a tattoo of first Corinthians 13 tattooed on a girls back and butt, that’s pretty wild and I’m not sure what I think of that. A bunch of the most creative tattoos I’ve seen and heard of are really sexual and tacky so I don’t feel comfortable describing them to you right now even though they are really funny. I actually knew a guy who got a drunk tattoo, it was supposed to say, “Born To Lose” but they miss-spelled everything and it said, “Born Too Loose”.

One thing I don’t understand are back tattoos. Why get a permanent piece of art you can’t even see? And if you do look at it in the mirror, it’s backwards. And those tramp stamps with tribal crosses are really silly. A cross on your butt? Really? That’s how you want to say “I love Jesus?” ,with a cross on your ass? Instead consider going to church or helping out a hobo. 

Because I’m an idiot just like everybody else I’m still considering a tattoo but trust me, it will be tucked away under several layers of clothing and it will be tiny. 

One thing you may want to keep in mind, especially if you are a girl.  Once you get a tattoo on your forearm you are really limiting your career options.  If there’s ink between your elbow and fingertips it’s tough to find work outside the entertainment or food service industry. We’ll you can always get a job as a tattoo artist.

If you know of any super clever or smart tattoos let me know. I always love a good story.