People In Miami Smell Better

Apparently I have a freaky confession to make. I haven’t flown on a commercial aircraft since 9/11. It’s a whole new world out there . I’m a triceratops, banging around, looking for the volcano, while the rest of the world uses IPhone as boarding passes. To make matters worse, I only carry cash, no credit cards. I didnt’ realize the rest of the United States doesn’t use cash anymore, they are all about plastic.

So, first there was the security thing. We all had to take our shoes off then assume the superman pose in order to get scanned. I can’t believe one “shoe bomber” with greasy looking hair has forced all Americans to take off their footwear in the airport. It’s kind of bizarre standing barefoot with hundreds of strangers. Even cops with great big army boots have to take them off. Standing with naked feet in Miami is probab,ly a lot more comfortable than the Wisconsin barefoot experience. Seeing all those exposed toes was kind of cool and made us a little bit vulnerable. Except for me cause I’m a ninja, and I’m used to barefoot living. (*Note to self, net time wear socks. My shoes were reallly stinky)

Something else I noticed in Miami. Those people smell better than we do. They wear wonderful scents tha’ aren’t too heavy and make me happy. And, as every one knows, most of the people in South Florida are a lot skinnier than Arkansasns. Those wonderful smelling, skinny Floridians. And get this, at the Miami airport they have “Cell Phone Parking Lots”. You only get a ticket if you get out of the car.

Ok,here’s the problem with having the nerve to carry cash. First, checking my bags was an issue. They wanted me to use the Kiosk and a credit card. Didn’t have one. So the airline folks had to spend at least ten minutes finding someone who knew what to do with dollar bills. They looked at my folded twenties with disdane. Yo, that’s an Andrew  Jackson, stop looking at me like a hater.  Then, I wanted a buggy to haul my crazy heavy computer bag on. (yes I’m one of the last to have a bag without wheels.) You can’t get a cart without cash.

When I finally got to sit down I discovered you can’t use the Internet unless you have plastic and then it got worse, on the flight I couldn’t get snacks or drinks without a credit card. I get pretty grumpy without snacks.  Sure, I saved over forty bucks  because I only carry cash but boy was I miserable.

So things are different out there now. People smell better, have hotter phones and unlike me, get to buy snacks on airplanes because they have credit cards.