A Letter To A Shattered Child


martiens letterWhen I was sixteen years old my dad and my brother Jack, who was around 21, died within two weeks of each other in the month of May. I was shattered.  In an effort to save me from absolute despair that summer my mom, Ann Stell, found a counselor/therapist for me here in Hot Springs. Martien Carroll.

I would sit in a bean bag chair in his office for hours and he would listen and try to save me.

I recently found a letter he wrote me in August of that year and I as moved by his wisdom and kindness. And the words he wrote to a broken sixteen year old girl are still just as true and powerful today, for all of us.

The letter reads,

Dear Pooh,

Loneliness is both positive and negative. Thought is both positive and negative – your choice!

I also morn for the killing of the whales, oil spills, starvation ,injustices and know that on a large scale karma, life and  rebirth are all the result and responsibility of ourselves. No matter how you work it out the final judge, jury and sentence comes from the self. Good returns Good – Evil returns Evil in gradations of 10- (Both experience and the master teachers say so)

Hey, you’re not the first person to recognize how you/they put up a front- I too-can-but choose not to do it with everyone- my closest friends-network of people supports…hear, respond, return. We are always alone (locked up with our own perceptions) This is true even surrounded by our closest friends.

Have joy that you can perceive the world, many can never see nor know why they must be reborn again.

Money is just a vehicle – a game- a device-a medium-a process of learning how to reach the top. Being able to establish the flow by giving it back to the life source is the real exchange.

Love yourself enough to be responsible for every act influencing yourself. Ann Stell must undergo her pain to move forward just as you undergo your pain to grow forward. However it us up to each individual to grow Positively or Negatively.

Write-Write-Write-Rewrite- your depth amazes me, yet how old are we really -chronologically-metaphysically?

Utilize your talents -Be the best wherever you are-whoever you are-whenever you are- whatever-however….The only thing you can lose is yourself. But Thank God you can play the game over and over, even when you lose. Unfortunately, you must play it till you win…till we all win…We (the Whole universe) are all related and joined by cohesion-magnetism-gravity-electricity-life force- I didn’t ask for it nor did you-It’s just a part of growing up, awareness, recognition,    and love

Love, Peace, Freedom to Be,


P.S. You’re a teacher too – you know but don’t know that you know.

Some of Martien’s views might have changed but he is still a wonderful, brilliant and loving man. But I wanted to write his words down as a way of thanking him for loving me but pushing me at the same time. I also wanted to share these ideas with my own children because they are important and true.