Rap Vs Country…Who Wins?

Last Sunday Andy Rooney said something like this, “writers rarely say anything new, we generally write the things you already know.” These observations about music fall under that category.

I recently realized something very obvious. Rap music, for the most part, focuses on money, drugs, parties and women. The goal of most rap is to get more money and sex and to brag about the expensive stuff they own. Over and over that’s what I hear. Rappers bragging and bragging and bragging about money, drugs and sex. They get more money so they can party more and get laid, then buy more jewlery, more cars, more big homes. Also rappers seem to get mad a lot, so many of the songs are infused with anger.

It’s a pretty simple formula that leaves me envious because I don’t have the stuff they have. I probably wouldn’t actually wear a diamond encrusted necklace shaped like  the Washington Monument but it would be nice to have the money to buy one.

Country music on the other hand spends a great deal of time glorifying the simple life, the dirt road, front porch, beat up pick up, blue jean reality where money is a rarety but there are always catfish in the pond. Country music makes me feel good about my life becasue  poor country people like me still enjoy their lives, their kids, their dogs, their girl friends and a six pack of beer. 

Rappers are mad at this country. Country music loves America. Rappers bounce from woman to woman to woman (every night), country music guys love their honey until her hair is gray and her teeth fall out. Rappers want more sports cars, country dudes want new tires for their old pick-up. Rappers sing about cognac, cocaine and pot. Country singers like long neck bottles of beer (except for Jamie Johnson).

Ok, here’s the weird part.  According to Forbes Magazine the top ten money makers in American music don’t include any country guys or rappers. Number 10 Dave Matthews(with his receding hairline), 9. Justin Bieber, 8. The Eagles (all gray headed or bald now), 7, Black Eyed Peas (they do not count as rap), 6 Paul McCartney, 5 Michael Buble (not old but he is loved by old ladies), 4. Lady GaGa (at least we got one girl on the list) 3. Elton John (I ould make another girl joke here, but I won’t) 2. Jon bon Jovi and the #1 money making act?  U2 pulled in a whopping 195 million last year.

So, who has the most money? Not country dudes or rappers, it’s the old white guys. Things never change, huh?

Defending GaGa and Her Meat Dress….Part II

DEFENDING GAGA AND HER MEAT DRESS….AGAIN   After an evening of watching the MTV VMAs, I’m defending Lady GaGa… again. What’s wrong with this?  A forty something, white woman, shouldn’t have to defend the top pop star on the planet. 

For the most part, I’m defending GaGa when talking to young people who are too young to remember when Elton John, wasn’t lame and  dressed like a molting peacock with live goldfish in his platform shoes and he wore glasses the size of his face.  You are too young to recall the disgusting pictures of Alice Cooper (he looked like a zombie/skeleton with black face paint) or Gene Simmons who  had a tongue the size of the Florida peninsula and he liked to spew  blood on concert goers. Ozzy Osbourn bit the head off a bat during a show once.

Ok, GaGa wore a meat dress (maybe it was sirloin pounded out really well), that’s pretty extreme and it got EVERYBODY worked up.  But I think that’s what she was going for…so good job GaGa.

And I’m defending GaGa to old people (over 40) who don’t remember we bought ticketet and climbed out our bedroom window to go see Elton John, Alice Cooper, Cindy Lauper (remember her masterbation song?), Gene Simmons , Ozzy Osbourn and David Bowie…on the way back from the concert we all argued, “is he a woman or a dude? ” Sound familar?

Devo (Just Whip It) guys wore flower pots on their heads and the Thompson Twins  shaved their eyebrows, then realized human evolution placed them there to soak up sweat. Iggy Pop cut him self (before cutting was a trend)  and whipped “it” out on stage. Rumor had it Frank Zappa’s drummer ate poop on stage. And we’re shocked by Lady GaGa and her meat dress. She also wore a meat swimsuit on the cover of Vogue Magazine.

Come one.  Lady GaGa is an entertainer. Her job is to make us talk and point and say, “OMG, I can’t believe she’s wearing a dog bowl hat.”  And she’s really good at entertaining us with her wacky clothes, funky pop songs and dead animal wardrobe.  If she was CEO of a medical facility and wore a meat dress or a politician, I’d be worried by her behaviour. But she’s an entertainer, she makes us look and laugh and sing along.

So young people, under 30, have fun and get ready for the ride, in the next few years you will see entertainers a lot more shocking than GaGa.

Old people, lighten up for God’s sake and get off that Disco Stick, and hang on to your Poker Face. Lady GaGa is nothing compared to what we grew up with. And remember, it’s just a show.

Lady GaGa’s Love Game and Disco Stick Were Not The First

I know it seems as though really creepy sexy songs  just arrived on the musical scene but freaky lyrics have been around since the advent of rock and roll, actually it started with the blues. And by comparison, Lady GaGa’s “I want to take a ride on your disco stick” is pretty mundane.

Remember My Sharonna? “Running down the length of my thigh, Sharona, Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch“.

But wait, there were lots of dirty lyrics before the Knack. My bedroom nearly exploded when Rod Stewart came out with, Tonights The Night… he actually sang, “C’mon angel my hearts on fire Don’t deny your man’s desire You’d be a fool to stop this tide. Spread your wings and let me come inside“. It’s no wonder my parents nearly had seizures when I sang along with that one.

Ok, Marcy’s Playground just about hit it out of the creepy song park a few years ago with “I Smell Sex and Candy,” but what about George Michael’s I Will Be Your Father Figure, “put your tiny hand in mine, I will be your father figure, anything you have in mind.” How old is this kid with the tiny hand?  “Just for one moment to be warm and naked by my side“. That one always made me feel slimy.

I’m not defending the guys who wrote “Smack That” but rap and hip hop didn’t start this overtly sexual musical revolution.

How about Chuck Berry’s My Ding-a Ling,”Then mama took me to Sunday school. They tried to teach me the Golden Rule. But when the choir would stand and sing. I’d sit there and play with my Ding-a-ling-a-ling”.  I listened to that one on AM radio. And Chuck was always the thirty five year old man singing Sweet Little Sixteen to screaming little girls. Humm, in retrospect that seems kind of weird.

So, quite picking on Lady GaGa  and her Love Game and all those hip hop guys I can’t name. You know you were singing along when Warrent sang She’s My Cherry Pie…

Swingin’ in the living room
Swingin’ in the kitchen
Most folks don’t ’cause
They’re too busy bitchin’
Swingin’ in there ’cause
She wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter
And she licked the beater