#1 A drink or coffee with a mountain of whipped cream on top. You might think the cherry will weigh that fluffy white delicious stuff down but you are wrong. My whipped cream ended up all over my car window. Driving into town, I realized it looked as though a pterodactyl pooped on my car.
#2 Don’t bother brushing your hair, instead go for the messed up mug shot crazy woman look. I spent 10 minutes brushing and rolling and blow drying. By the time I made it to the front door all of my hair was in front of my face Ala Cousin It. When I got inside I tried to smooth things down and look semi-hot but I failed. I look better after two hours of kickboxing.
#3. Do not let a plice officer make you take the sobriety test which involves standing on one foot on a windy day, especially if you are fat or skinny. If you are girthy your belly will act like a sail, if you are skinny you’ll just get blown into traffic. Standing on one foot whenthere is a wind advisory is nearly impossible. You will fail, go to jail, have a horrible crazy woman mug shot and it will end up on facebook for your children to see. So, do not stand on one foot. You’d be better off trying to say your alphabet backwards.
#4 If a piece of paper blows out of your hand DO NOT CHASE IT. You will never catch it on a really windy day. Instead you’ll look like a chicken in the Wal-Mart parking lot running, stopping, reaching, missing, turning, stumbling. It’s ugly. Just let that shopping list go.
#5 And finally, you know this without it being said. do not wear a dress or skit during a semi-tornado kind of day. Yes Marilyn Monroe looked hot when her white dress billowed up but it’s not the same if you are wearing panty hose or granny panties.
The wind is picking up out there, unless you are a middle aged bald man in a suit, maybe you should just stay home today.