“That’s Disgusting!” Said The Boy

norman-rockwell-thanksgiving-thanksgiving-2927689-375-479A few weeks ago a young man came over to go to the lake with us and spend the night. He’s a nice kid, has good manners and was fun. But Alex and I were both horrified, yes, that’s the word I’m going with, when dinner time rolled around.

The menu was pretty simple. Roasted chicken, green beans with bacon and baked sweet potato fries with ketchup. Sandor was excited but our 14 year old guest, who’s a big ol football player, looked concerned. He sheepishly said, “I don’t really eat that kind of stuff.”

“You don’t eat chicken?”

“No ma’am, well, only fried chicken, like chicken strips.”

“Will you try one bite?”

Reluctantly, he nodded his head yes. I cut off a piece of white mean with some crispy skin.He stuck it in his mouth and swallowed but was shaking his head no the entire time. The texture of actual chicken was so foreign and strange he had a hard time swallowing it.

“I’m really sorry,” he said. “I brought some food from my house, though.”

Let me go on record, my husband Alex, makes awesome roasted chicken. I could tell he was about to get pretty angry, so I rubbed his back, until the boy disappeared into Sandor’s bed room. “It’s not his fault and he’s obviously really embarrassed.  If you want to be mad at somebody be mad at his folks. This is their doing.”

Sandor came out, sensing there was “an issue”.

“When you go to Hunter’s house, what do you eat?”

“Junk mostly I guess. Cereal, pizza, fast food, soda.”

“So nobody makes any real food?”

“No ma’am.  Hunter’s really embarrassed.  He brought a pizza and some bagel bites with him though.”

I told Sandor to have him come out and eat with us.  We were all gonna watch a movie and eat dinner. I offered to put Hunter’s food on a plate but I promise, this is true. He sat at the far end of the couch, eating his pizza out of his back pack. And he looked like a beaten dog. I felt so sorry for the kid.

Parents, make your children eat real food! Don’t put them in this situation! Don’t wait till they are seven or eight years old or you will have an epic battle on your hands. Make them eat normal, healthy food when they are babies. Good Lord, I know you love your child but don’t let them grow up on a diet of processed junk food.

What would happen if you put pancake syrup in your gas tank all the time instead of gas. Well that’s what feeding your child junk food all the time is like. Sure everyone eats a Happy Meal, Nacho Dorito Tacos and stuffed crust pizza some times. Don’t cheer for your kid when they eat an entire bag of chips.  Being overweight in school can be really hard. Kids are mean.. Just stop it, ok?

Your kids will learn to eat and like what you teach them to eat and like. You have all the power. Use it responsibly, Spider-Man.


Sausage On A Stick…The Killer Breakfast

I’ve got breakfast issues. I know it’s the most important meal of the day but it sure as hell isn’t the healthiest. I realized that again today when I said to my 8 year old, “Do you want pizza or spaghetti-os this morning?” Wait, I do try to put some fruit, grapes of a banana on the side of the plate next to the pizza, I promise.

Allmost all of the packaged breakfast stuff is actually crap and loaded with chemicalsand preservative, waffle, pancakes, sausage and pancake on a stick. why don’t you just eat a deep fried Twinkie? Oh my Lord, there’s nothing good in there and you know it. Especially after you pour a half cup of sugar syrup, I mean maple syrup, all over everything. And their teachers wonder why they are all jacked up.

Sometimes the kids will eat Honey Nut Cheerios but I worry that’s not enough to hold them till lunch.

I think my breakfast issues started with my father. When I was little he was in charge of feeding me before I scampered off to 1st grade. He felt popcorn and grapes were the perfect breakfast combo, kind of like cereal and fruit, but different. Or he would fix me my favorite, something I’m sure is deadly but I feed it to my kids too. Cheese Toast With Sliced Up Hot Dogs…that’s yummy stuff in the AM hours.

And what would Dad have? Two raw eggs (ala Rocky)  with a ton of Tabasco sauce. No doubt, that’s the healthiest thing mentioned in this blog. Thanks Dad.

Dead Food For Lunch…yum

Last Thursday I had a bag of Cheetos for lunch and it was awful. Generally, I love Cheetos, hate the orange Cheeto dust, but love crunchy Cheetos.

So, I ate a bag for lunch, but all I could think was, “This is really really dead food”. As I finished off the ninety nine cent bag I thought about the actual nutritional content. I had eaten 440 calories worth of “food” but my poor body didn’t get a damn thing except chemicals, salt and orange food coloring. No protein, no vitamins, nada. And I felt sorry for my body. It was hungry so I dumped a bag of orange, man made, crunchy chemical sticks into my stomach. Then, I expected my brain and body to perform well.

An hour later I was hungry, exhausted and really thirsty. So Cheetos really are “dangerously cheesey”.

Later that day I googled “dead food”. Wow, there’s a whole world of folks out there with serious thoughts about living and dead food, they make lists and eat everything raw.To my surprise, Beef Jerky made the dead list, I was pretty sad about that one.

Chef Craig Koketsu of the Park Avenue Autumn  Restaurant in New York has created a a very popular Broccolli and Cheeto dish that sounds surprisingly wonderful,  but I think it kind of shoots down the whole purpose of eating veggies.

So, back to dead food. I think it might be bad for us. I think our bodies need more than chemicals. And I think we are seeing more and more young girls with surprisingly flabby bellies because we are all eating too much “dead food”. We are filling out bodies with preservatives and weird trans fats and our bodies just don’t know where to put it, so they turn it into fat than hangs over the top of our low rise jeans.  I think we are all tired because we aren’t giving our body the stuff it need to run… meats, vegetables and fruits. It’s like asking a car to run on scotch or shampoo.

The truth is I’ll keep on eating some “dead food” because  it tastes really good and I like yummy stuff. But I think we all need to avoid  Cheetos for lunch, unless you have a big rib-eye steak and a salad on the side.