Beat Your Kid and They Will Love You

I was going to write about Kanye West but the video of the judge and his wife beating their daughter with a belt got to me.

I have four kids, they make As (ok a B now and then) they get scholarships to college, they are respectful and really fun to be around. They say “yes maam” and “no sir” and help do chores around the house. And not one of them has ever had a “beating”. I think I’ve given out two spankings in 23 years of parenting. Here’s the strange thing. I’m a “strict” parent because I demand my children be decent human beings. And I do it without hitting them.

I do remember one spanking. It’s a  famous Hampo story about 3 year old Mary. She pushed Jack off an ocean pier 15 feet above the water into a bunch of barracuda. He was four years old. I went in after him and when Jack and I climbed up the ladder, wet and terrified, Mary was laughing. Yes, she got a spanking.But that’s the last one I remember and it was 20 years ago).

Spankings and beatings are a lazy form of parenting. If you can’t come up with a more effective form of punishment you are an idiot.

We tell children not to hit each other or us, but we are allowed to hit them. Why is it legal for a 200 pound man to hit a 50 pound child? If he hits his wife or mother he goes to jail. But hitting a child is ok. That’s absolute bullshit. It’s also ridiculously and obviously hypocritical.

Here’s another problem with spanking/whooping. As the child gets older you have to escalate the whoopings  year after year. You can “spank” a four year old on the butt and make an impression. But by the time they are teenagers guess what you have to do to make an impression.?You have to beat them, hard, with a belt, to get their attention. That’s just inevitable.

Yes, I got spanked when I was a kid. But I’m a better parent them my parents.

If your child abuses cell phone privileges, take the phone away for a week. If they abuse the computer take it away for a month. If they don’t cut the grass they are grounded, from everything, until they finish your yard and the old ladies’ grass next door.

A smart and creative punishment makes a lot larger and longer lasting impression than a dumb ass whooping.

And the truth is, if you beat your sixteen year old daughter with a belt like Judge William Adams and his wife, she will probably fear and do what you say, but it’s doubtful she will love or respect you.