UPS Sucks and I’m A Moron

A friend warned me this would happen. “If you get a blog, you will start bitching about everything”. Well today he’s right.

I’m a moron and UPS sucks. My oldest son, Jack moved to New York three weeks ago to be rich and famous. I thought that sounded like a great plan.

His birthday is five days away so I bought him a bottle of his favorite BBQ Sauce…Stubby’s in Hot Springs, Arkansas and I found some old  country 45 records at a yard sale. I paid $5.00 for the Stubby’s and 50 cents for the Willie Nelson and Mel Tillis records. His birthday present cost me less than six dollars.

Because I have to work, I decided to let UPS box up and ship my sad little gifts.

They laughed and said no problem as they disappeared with my BBQ sauce and records. I was starting to think UPS was the coolest place ever. They could wrap and ship anything!

Then the girl appeared with my box and I gave her Jack’s address. She said it would be $13.43 for ground delivery. The box would arrive a couple days after his birthday but I still felt good. Then she hit the total button and said that’s $29.62.


Well, the shipping was $13.43 but the ‘”standard packing” was $10.85 and the five minutes of “standard packing service” was $4.34.

And I’m a moron because I didn’t say, “Hell no, give me my crap back”. I wanted to go crazy, smash some glass, throw their styrofoam peanuts all over the place and stomp on their rolls of bubble wrap.

Instead, I handed them thirty dollars so Jack can have seven dollars worth of birthday presents three days late.

At the bottom of my receipt it says “thank you for visiting our store. Please come back again soon”  I’m not feeling it. I really want to cuss at them because I needed that money and Jack needs it. Now he’s going to know I’m a moron and ask ‘why didn’t you just send me forty bucks”.

I’d rather give it to UPS

The moral of the story, don’t be a moron, #1 ask what it’s going to cost up front and #2 keep the boxes from the liquor store and some freaking newspaper hanging around so you can pack up your own stuff.

PS  Happy Birthday Jack. and now Jack knows about his crappy birthday presents. That’s UPS’s fault too.


“Have fun and be safe”