Goofy Ways to Cut Calories During The Holidays

I’ve got some very bad news for people trying to loose weight. It’s the holiday season and you might as well drown yourself in a bowl of Chex Party Mix right now.

Everybody wants to cut calories but that generally involves eatting less, well, nobody actually wants to do that.

We’ll I’ve come up with some new and unconventional ways to cut calories cause I’m super smart. But you must be brave and bold.

 #1 You roll through Sonic because you skipped breakfast and you really really need some popcorn chicken. You’ve got the bag in your hand along with the honey mustard sauce. Before you eat a single popcorn chicken you must roll down your window then reach in the bag, grab and handful and fling them out the window. That’s right fling half your popcorn chicken out the windo.  I know this sounds goofy and wasteful but it works.  Guess what, you’ve saved yourself 300 calories.. Yes you wasted a little money and kind of polluted (I like to think ants and wild, possibly endangered, animals clean up the mess). Just make sure you don’t throw your food at the car next to you or at a pedestrian. They get kind of mad when you strafe them with chicken. This plan works with chips, M&Ms,and Cheetos, just chuck half the food out the window and enjoy what you have left, guilt free.
A side note: Throwing junk food out the window at 60 miles an hour is also kind of liberating in a weird way.

2.If you absolutely have to have something horrible, say a Swiss cheese, bacon, mushroom melt, go on and order that bad boy. Smell it, look at it, love it. Then take three bites. Enjoy them, savor the flavor, cause that’s all you get. Once you’ve taken three bites, drop the burger back in the bag and squish it up, mash and trash it so you will not be tempted to take any more bites.   Again, you have to do this quickly before the fat kid inside you takes over and insists on eatting the whole thing.

3. Here’s my final tip as to how you can cut a few calories . Do you have a dog? Is he healthy? Well, next time you fix yourself a massive peanut butter and jelly sandwich at three o’lclock in the morning, tear your sandwich in half and give it to your dog. He’ll be happy and love you more while you get healthier.

Be careful that you don’t feed your dog stuff that’s bad for him, like half a gallon of ice cream. But chances are half a Hot Pocket or half a bowl of Mac and Cheese won’t hurt him. He’ll probably be really happy and you’ll feel much better knowing you only ate half of the bad stuff. I do this all the time and I think it’s the reason our dog, Theo ,likes me a whole lot more than anyone else in the family.

There you have it, three unexpected ways to cut  calories. Pretty easy, right? Just don’t be too hard on yourself. Think healthy thoughts. stay positive and don’t give your dog any chocolate.