Giant Shiny Bras at Walmart…more signs of obiesity in America

to be clear, this girl is not fat but the bra is pretty

   I’m going to lay it right out here, breasts in America are getting bigger. And I feel fairly certain it’s because we are all getting fatter. Breasts are made of fat, so when a woman gains ten pounds her boobs get bigger. Any woman will validate this fact.

But here’s more evidence of swelling boobage. I went shopping a couple of days ago and found myself surround by rows and rows of giant bras. I’m talking about massive bras with cups bigger than my son’s head.

I have pretty big boobs and have worn a 36 or 38 D for most of my life. When I was a teenager they were considered gigantic, freakish, worthy of lengthy conversatons. Today that’s not the case, because so many women have boobs much much bigger and they lt them hang out there…all the time. Twenty years ago finding a bra that size was really hard and they were all ugly granny bras. As a teenager I was sure all the bigger bras had been designed by structural engineers and Baptist ministers. They might as well have been cut from burlap. And the strap across the back was at least three inches, there’s no way that looked sexy.It was terrible.

Additionally, (as though buying a really hideous looking big bra when you are 15 isn’t bad enough), most stores in the 70’s 80’s put the big bras on the lowest rack. So we had to search for our big ugly bras on our knees. Its no wonder I never wanted to go shopping.

Now, stores are filled with hundreds of glorious looking giant bras, shiny and sparkly and hot looking, even if you have boobies the size of basket balls. And lots of bras big enough to hold three puppies are even kept at eye level because big boobs are the norm.

What does all this mean? Well, I’m really worried about the obesity rate in America , but I know there are a lot of “breast Men” in the world who love the new big ta-ta norm. So, at least for those guys the future is looking magnificent.

****If you want to read more about men and their evolutionary feelings about breasts this is a pretty interesting site.

#This is a re-written reprint because I went shopping again today and the bras were bigger and even prettier. Lucky me 🙂

Muffin Top Reality

Breaking News About “THE MUFFIN TOP”.  First, understand I’m not talking about the yummy crusty top of a blue berry muffin. I’m talking about the roll of fat you see squirting over the top of girl’s pants. It’s not hot or sexy or cute, just kind of gross. And I’m not a man but I think a lot of guys would agree with me.

Well, I’ve figured out the cure for the muffin top. This is important stuff because we are all tired of looking at the squishy little  roll and you aren’t doing yourselves any favors by showing it off.

Idea #1. Buy bigger pants, Yes, I’m suggesting you by pants that actually fit your hips so they don’t squeeze the fat like a roll of toothpaste. Granted, pants that fit you won’t be as tight on your butt but you will, in the end, look much better. Another advantage…you’ll be able to breath, even while sitting down.

Idea #2 Get pants that are just high enough to cover the Muffin Top. I’m not saying you need to wear Mom Jeans with a four inch zipper, but if the pants came up just a little higher your muffin will stay inside your pants, where it belongs.

And finally #3 Lose a little weight, yes, I’m telling you to quit going to Sonic and McDonald’s everyday and chances are your Muffin Top will vanish.

That’s it, my ground breaking, earth shattering Muffin Top news. I was at the Mall today when this revelation came to me. Good luck.

This is a reprint from last year because I went to the Mall today and thought it necessary)