We Have The Most Dangerous House In America

 I didn’t realize I had such a dangerous house until Alex tried to get new homeowners insurance and told the insurance lady the truth. Her gasp was audible and she told us we would have to find another agency.

We don’t cook meth, drive drunk or scuba dive in caves, but I guess, by insurance standards we might seem a little high risk.

We have a great big trampoline in our yard and it doesn’t have one of those safety nets. We jump in the raw, in the rain, in the dark. I let more than one little kid jump at the same time and (don’t hate me) I let Sandor and his buddies jump off the play house onto the trampoline. It’s crazy to watch. I write this freely because all the parents are aware of what the little boys are doing and they just laugh, or better still, they take pictures.

We have a great big dog, named Theo and he will bite strange men who come on our property.  He’s nailed two strangers to date because they did not belong on our land. He’s done his job.  But the insurance lady thought Theo’s behaviour was horrible and we should make him wear a  muzzle,  keep him in a pen or put him down.  Well, how the hell is he going to protect us if he’s wearing a Hannibal Lector face mask?

Sandor and Lex have a little four wheeler, it’s only a 50, so it doesn’t really go too fast. But they whip around our five acres as though running 100 miles an hour. Ok, here’s where it gets really dangerous, sometiems, I let two kids ride the four wheeler at the same time.  I know there’s a picture and a big warning notice. It says one rider at a time. But when they are together, I can hear their laughter ringing through the woods surrounding our home.

We have BB guns and now that Sandor is nine I let him stomp through the woods with his friends shooting at any bears or Big Foots they happen to come across.  I give them a lecture on gun safety.  I tell them about my old friend ‘”one eyed Bob” who had his right  eye shot out with a BB Gun and I yell at them when they do things I deem dangerous. But I do let them shoot bb guns unsupervised. Crazy right?  But so far they have listened to all my rules and warnings and they have never pointed guns at each other. And more importantly, they’ve never turned on us.

And finally, I let Lex, who is 15, ride in cars with some of her friends.  Even some of her guy friends.  I have a pretty good idea who the good drivers are and who’s terrible.  I know who practiced for years with their folks and who got keys from their parents with very little experience.(sometimes parents don’t want to drive with their kids because fights erupt, but driving takes practice and we need to bite our tongue and spend hundreds of hours driving with our children)  I know which kids I trust and who the show offs are. And I have faith in my daughter’s judgement.

I guess it’s true, we live dangerously by some standards. And boy do we have fun.

#Think it’s too dangerous?  Let me know comment or write me hampoland@gmail.com