Lady GaGa’s Love Game and Disco Stick Were Not The First

I know it seems as though really creepy sexy songs  just arrived on the musical scene but freaky lyrics have been around since the advent of rock and roll, actually it started with the blues. And by comparison, Lady GaGa’s “I want to take a ride on your disco stick” is pretty mundane.

Remember My Sharonna? “Running down the length of my thigh, Sharona, Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch“.

But wait, there were lots of dirty lyrics before the Knack. My bedroom nearly exploded when Rod Stewart came out with, Tonights The Night… he actually sang, “C’mon angel my hearts on fire Don’t deny your man’s desire You’d be a fool to stop this tide. Spread your wings and let me come inside“. It’s no wonder my parents nearly had seizures when I sang along with that one.

Ok, Marcy’s Playground just about hit it out of the creepy song park a few years ago with “I Smell Sex and Candy,” but what about George Michael’s I Will Be Your Father Figure, “put your tiny hand in mine, I will be your father figure, anything you have in mind.” How old is this kid with the tiny hand?  “Just for one moment to be warm and naked by my side“. That one always made me feel slimy.

I’m not defending the guys who wrote “Smack That” but rap and hip hop didn’t start this overtly sexual musical revolution.

How about Chuck Berry’s My Ding-a Ling,”Then mama took me to Sunday school. They tried to teach me the Golden Rule. But when the choir would stand and sing. I’d sit there and play with my Ding-a-ling-a-ling”.  I listened to that one on AM radio. And Chuck was always the thirty five year old man singing Sweet Little Sixteen to screaming little girls. Humm, in retrospect that seems kind of weird.

So, quite picking on Lady GaGa  and her Love Game and all those hip hop guys I can’t name. You know you were singing along when Warrent sang She’s My Cherry Pie…

Swingin’ in the living room
Swingin’ in the kitchen
Most folks don’t ’cause
They’re too busy bitchin’
Swingin’ in there ’cause
She wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter
And she licked the beater

Stop Being Mean To Your Kids In Public, It Makes You Look Pathetic

Please, stop being mean to your kids in public. I don’t care if you are a redneck in Wal-Mart or picking up a espresso in Starbucks. You look and sound like a witch when you are rude or snarky to your own kids in public.

Seriously, do you think anyone wants to invite you over for a beer or a spin class when you treat your child with absolute disdain in public? Do you think the cute guy with tight little sideburns wants to spend any time with a woman who is mean to her kids. Here’s what he’s thinking, ‘if she’s mean to her kids she’ll probably be mean to me too”.

And consider this, when you are mean, tense, snarky or short with your child, I’m pretty sure, you look about ten years older than you are. It’s true.

Don’t yell at them, don’t roll your eyes and hiss at them, don’t swat them on the back of the head or I’m going to inject myself into the situation.

Ok, so you’re busy texting and talking and trying to decide what shade of hose you really need. Yeah, that stuffs pretty important, but don’t act like a spoiled thirteen year old when your child interrupts because he really has to go to the bathroom.

Smile, for God’s sake. He needs you. And don’t make the “I’m such a martyr” sigh, The one you make so all the world knows you are overworked and exhausted. Lot’s of moms seem to specialize in that noise. Cut it out.

And here’s my final tip, don’t spank a crying child and expect him to stop crying. She’s going to cry more if you hurt her. And again, you’re making your self look bad and everyone standing close to you is thinking that poor kid has such horrible, mean, stupid parents