What Men Really Want

hotA few weeks ago I heard an old adage I’d forgotten a long time ago.  “Women get married thinking their man will change. Men get married hoping their women won’t change.”

1. That is soooo true.

2. Everybody would have happier marriages if they repeated and understood those two sentences 40 times before their wedding ceremony.

When Alex and I were dating twenty years ago he was swarthy and handsome, he smoked Marlboro reds, he didn’t like talking to new people unless he’d been drinking a little, he wasn’t very warm or fuzzy (my family is excessively mushy).Sex made everything better.    If he started reading a book he usually didn’t stop until it was done.  So he’d ignore me for hours, even on the beach, while he finished his book .He had a ridiculous work ethic. And working 12 hour days and 50 or 60 hours a week is what he did and that’s what needed to be done.

So I married him, even though I hate hate hate cigarettes.  I bitched at him for that during the first five years of our marriage, then one day I realized if it bugged me that much I shouldn’t have married a smoker because people don’t change much just become they get married.  He still doesn’t like talking to many people, his work schedule is staggering because he’s a chef and if you are a good chef you spend 50-60 hours a week in the kitchen. Yesterday was his day off. I gave him the book Freakanomics and he read it for six hours straight, even as he ate dinner.

He is the exact same man I married, just a few years older.

When Alex married me, whew…I was awesome.  hot, friendly, always smiling. I was spontaneous and loved embarrassing him in public by dragging him around and making out while people watched. I had drawers full of sexy clothes and when he worked late I always stayed up in the living room, like a beagle, waiting for his return.  I’d get him dinner, listen to his stories from the day.

Back then If he has to work really late now do I wait up? Hell no! I get sleepy at ten.

It’s been ten maybe fifteen years since I shoved him into a closet so we could make out.

It’s no wonder men hope and pray their wives don’t change. But we do.

If he likes spending weekends in the woods with his buddies during deer season he’s not going to give that up and start going to quilt festivals with you.

If he likes going to the gym five nights a week don’t expect him to give that up and start working out at the house. It’s not going to happen and if it does he’ll resent you for taking something positive away from him.

So folks, love each other and understand some people change and some people don’t. Remember  if they have bad habits that make you crazy while you’re dating….those habits probably aren’t going anywhere once you say “I do.”

The important thing is to keep holding hands in the Wal-Mart parking lot and compromise on crunchy or smooth peanut better.  The rest will take care of itself.