I Don’t Want To Look Better than Average, Tell Me I’m Smokin’ Hot!

Yesterday I had to edit pictures of my husband and me, standing next to each other, smiling in the sunshine. In disgust, I finally just cropped myself out of the picture. He looked really good but I looked….well…you know.

When I told Alex what I had done he was annoyed. We have very few pictures of us together. Then he said two typical “man things.”

1. “You look just like you.” Aaahhh that’s the problem. My face. I can almost-kind-of control what my body looks like with enough running, weight lifting and martial arts. But my face does what ever the hell gravity wants it too do.

 Alex is Hungarian and the creep has great skin. Is it a good thing he’s aging so well? The man smokes a pack a day, but he doesn’t have any crows feet. What’s fair about that? And he never uses sun screen.

Then he said the words I’ve warned him about over and over, “You look fine.”

Fine!!!??? I look fine? Guys, when a woman hears “you look fine”, that’s like saying “Hey, on a scale of 1-10 you are a solid 5.” Fine is not a good thing, unless you use your Berry White voice and say, “Baby, you look sooo fine.”

In girl land “Fine” is ok, average, generally acceptable.  When I ask how I look?” lie to me if you must! Tell me I look beautiful, magnificent, hot, ravishing. Your night will improve dramatically, I promise.

When I told my friend Amelia about Alex’s response she said, “Yeah, after five years of marriage husbands turn into cousins and  brothers. They say all the wrong stuff most of the time and think it’s kind of funny when we get upset.”

Women, if you have a husband who still says nice stuff to you, who doesn’t say you look “above average” when you get all dressed up. If you have a husband or boy friend who can lie convincingly, you better love on that man. He’s a keeper.

*Write to me or comment. It makes me happy and I promise I won’t crop or edit you in any way. hampoland@gmail.com