Stop Being A Jerk Face If You Want A Happy Marriage

I’ve been thinking about this for a few days. If you want a happy marriage or relationship here’s what you have to do. STOP BEING A BITCH or STOP BEING A JERK FACE.

 Wait, there’s a little bit more. The other absolute key to a happy relationship is this, both people have to care more about the other person’s happiness than their own. That’s it, now you can stop buying all the marriage self help books at the Mall. I’m gonna say it again but differently. If I care more about Alex than myself and he cares more about me, we can have a happy marriage because we take care of each other, we look out for each other and we try to find stupid ass ways to make each other happy.  Example: He gave me a yellow ukulele with a dolphin on it for Mother’s day and I’ve stopped getting crazy like a crack head because he won’t cut his hair. Now we are both happier.

Yes, I promise you my husband will frustrate me so badly I want to jab a hot poker in my ear but at the end of the day his happiness is extremely important to me and he worries that I don’t eat enough meat.

Here’s something else you can do to improve your chances of a happy relationship…try smiling at each other at least once a day. Make sure you say something nice to each other ever day…seriously…for some reason after a few  years of marriage the “bitch switch” gets flipped  and we stop saying nice stuff to each other. Well, if you want to be happy CUT THAT OUT.

A few weeks ago, asI was walking to the car Alex said something silly like “you look too hot to go to work”.  That cheesy ass line made me happy for three days.

A couple of days ago I told him his biceps felt like they were getting bigger and he spent ten minutes flexing and telling me how buff he’d become.

Most men do not want to be all tangled up in emotional support systems involving hurt feelings, tone of voice and intended meaning. When we talk about that stuff the average male literally stops listening and slips into a mini-coma. It doesn’t mean they don’t love usit just means they are dudes. The same thing happens to me when Alex uses the carburetor.  

All guys want is for a woman to notice them, have sex, eat meat and not get screamed at because they are men.

And what do women want? Somebody to tell us we are pretty, help around the house sometimes and a man who is a good dad. It’s that simple.

So, if you want a great marrige stop bitching and be nice.