My daughter, Mary, who is 23, came to hang out last night and we ended up talking about teenaged girls and sex.
Her understanding and vision of the situation were brutal and honest. I almost fell off the couch. Mary said in her off- the- cuff, brutally honest way, “The average Arkansas teenager girl has sex at 14 or 15. When that happens she thinks she’s in love and they will be together forever.”
But, as we all know, the loving couple, Sparky and Joe, will break up in 5 or 6 months. Unfortunately, Sparky gave into him around month 4 and they’ve had sex…lots of times.
Then there’s the next boyfriend and she really loves him. Why wouldn’t she have sex with him too, she loves him, a lot. And this goes on and on.
By the end of High School Sparky has had six serious boy friends and she’s had sex with four or five of them. Sex with four boys before getting out of high school? That’s a huge and horrible number. And when our girl, Sparky, started out with her first boyfriend, she thought he would be the only one…every.
The thing is, as Mary pointed out, once you make out, it never stops.
So girls, If you’re thinking about it…wait…just a little while. I know you’ve heard this thousands of times but…if he loves you, he’ll wait too. Crazy thought, huh? But it’s true.
“If love hurts, if it make you feel kind of squirly and gross, you’re doing it wrong.” Have faith that he loves you that much. And as long as you say “no” you have most of the power.
And as we all know, power is super sexy.
Thanks for the tips! Thank God it’s not my 12 year old step daughter that I’m talking about… Yet! I have numerous friends that have expressed concerns about their 14 and 15 year old daughters. Sadly, I know it’s something we will have to face eventually. I guess the next question is what can I do to prevent the 12 year old from starting? I’ve already tried honesty. Sex hurts. It smells bad. It’s messy. Along with all of the psychological stuff… Oh, and the stainless steel chastity belt…
I like Mary’s idea, now having sex doesn’t make you special, it’s just the opposite. The girl who doesn’t have sex is the special one.
So the question is, what do you do if you know of a young girl that has already gotten started? Is there a way to talk her into reversing it? How do you translate into “teen speak” that you don’t have to keep having sex or making out… or anything in between! How do you let them know this without them just rolling their eyes because you are old and obviously just don’t understand?
You know, a bunch of teenagers read this blog, let’s ask them cause that’s a really tough one.
Jennifer,
I hope its ok if I jump in. I’m 26 years old and have a 5 year old. The thought of her turning into a teenager scares me to death! once a girl gets started… its hard. I wish I could give you this wonderful speech of how to change her mind b/c it sounds as though she REALLLY needs a change of heart. Telling her the consequences of sex isn’t going to stop her. telling her one day she will regret it will not change her mind. Unfortunately, this sounds crappy, but it will take a heartache and having that emptiness inside to know that she made a bad choice. I would say if you stand a chance at stopping her in any way it would NOT be talking to her like a parent or an adult. It would take someone talking to her as a friend, who is there to LISTEN and offer up advice when the time is right. I don’t have all the answers… but I know that as a teenager being talked down to was the thing that made the craziest. Best of luck.
I’m 22 so i’m not sure how much help i can be, but i’m dating the best guy i’ve ever met, and the reason is because i said no. He originally didn’t want a relationship and i said that’s fine but i don’t even make out with people i’m not in a serious relationship with. I know that sounds silly, but as my mom pointed out i’m really honest and i don’t think most girls get that guys don’t want to date the slutty girls. I know most girls think having sex will make them different and their relationship special, but really they’re just normal and doing what’s expected. Not having sex makes them special and their relationship way more meaningful. I’m not sure if that helped at all but i hope so and i hope your daughter doesn’t have to deal with heart breaks anytime soon!
Honestly, Ms. Smith, I don’t think you can tell them to stop. All you can really do is let them know that you will support them if anything happens, and tell them that you would prefer it if they didn’t have sex, but unless you can keep them completely from dating or seeing anyone of the opposite gender, it probably won’t be possible for you to get them to stop. Most of us teenage girls see adults not as old and not understanding, but slightly oppressive and irritating. (Sorry, but it’s true.) I’m 14, so I know:)
Consequences of sex are drastic! They are life changing… even if you are 14 years old, or 35. Sex attaches you to someone that later on down the road you may SHUDDER at the thought of being attached to them. At a young age girls can’t handle that attachement. So moral of this story= DONT HAVE SEX FOR A LONG, LONG TIME!
JUSTIN BIEBBER is sexy too. How long has NSN3D been trending now? A long time, suck that haters. :p
Alec attended a youth rally addressing this exact issue on Saturday! I then watched the program on YouTube. Wow!!! Alec got it! I got it, in ways I hadn’t been able to give reasons for when talking to him, or my girls. You should watch it, and get the word out. It’s very powerful, and he uses comedy to keep the kids interested but he’s VERY forthright! On YouTube look up Jason Evert. Make sure you start with Part 1. Make sure you have some time, cause once you start it you won’t want to stop watching til it’s finished, and it has 12 or 13 parts ranging from 3 min to 12 min. Or you can go to chastity.com and download it there. I haven’t watched the one on the website and am not sure if it’s exactly the same or not. Enjoy!
Oh, his wife does the programs with him and she has a ‘DUMP HIM LIST’ which is a list of things that if any of them is present in your relationship – dump him! Things like ‘if he puts you down and then says he’s just playing’, ‘if he uses guilt to talk you into things’, etc…
And any sentence that starts with “no offense, but” Lisa, you are so right. Kick him to the curb. Or her. Girls once they get started can put just as much pressure on boys. It’s crazy.