UGG Boots and Bootie Shorts

The lost boys in Peter Pan, the Toys R Us Kids and Justin Bieber…I get it… none of of them want to grow up. Who can blame them? Getting old sucks.

Last week I was sitting with my good friend and as he spoke a filling fell out of his mouth. He picked it off his tongue and put it on the table, between us. We both just stared. Finally I said, “that’s pretty disturbing.”
He just shook his head, kind of sad. “No kidding.”

Age makes me feel like Mr. Potato Head. Parts just fall off and I feel as though I should carry a ziplock full of ice so, when my ear falls off, I can say, “hey, I might be able to reattach that if I keep it in ice”.

I’m trying really hard not to get old.

I do 300 crunches several times a week. It doesn’t matter.

I work very hard not to use terms like ” bling”, “bling bling”, “hot mess” or “grill”. Using verbiage that’s out of date by just a few months is lethal. Instead I try to use phrases that are so out of date they might come back into style. When I was in jr. high school we used the term scoop, as in “I’m scoopin’ on your boyfriend”.  It’s so old it’s new.

I don’t wear bootie shorts with things like “CUTIE” or “JUCY” written on the butt. I think that’s really important. And I never wear Capris or UGG Boots because( unless you are under 30), that’s the fashion kiss of death.

So what are we supposed to do, how do we stop aging?  It’s easier for men because they can still seem totally hot when they are 60. Women…well we are screwed. But maybe our kids friends will still think we are kind of cool and not a left over from the Pre-Cambrian Period if we do three things. 

Smile…all the time. It makes you look much much younger. Look at “old people” they all seem to be frowning.

Hug people  like you mean it. A good hug says ,”yeah, I still got some power left”.

And finally don’t be judgemental. Think about your grandparents and your grandparents. What did they do all the time? Criticize you’re music, your clothes and your hair. Dont’ do that. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad. Chances are you just don’t understand what’s going on.

Kids and hippsters… hey, cut me some slack,please.  If you ask me what I’m listening to and I say ‘Heartless” by Kayne, don’t say , “Oh, old Kayne”. It’s all new to me and at least I’m trying.