MAKEUP…Stuff That Works and Stuff that Sucks

MAKEUP…Stuff That Works and Stuff That Sucks

First, I buy my makeup at Wal-Mart. So.if you make more than $80,000 a year you don’t need to read this.

Recently, I spent fifty dollars on myself. It was a big deal to me and a really really big deal to my face.

Well, I’m looking in the mirror and things haven’t changed much. But there are some high and low points to report. For me, the make-up failure/success ratio is very important and the products that cost me money but don’t work really piss me off.

First, the item that upset me the mostGarnier Ultra-Lift  Pro  Deep Wrinkle Roller. Oh my Lord, I’m so sad because I wasted nearly fifteen bucks on some juice that doesn’t seem to work and doesn’t even feel good when I put it on. According to Garnier it was going to “plump skin from within and push even deep wrinkles up and out”. Push things up and out? I’ve got bras that made the same promise and you know what? They get the job done.

It comes in a plastic roller, like a deodorant roller, so when you put it on your wrinkles it’s hard and cold. And, after three weeks of religious use, I’m pretty sure I look exactly the same (except I’ve lost my tan because the summer is almost over).  According to the ad, which stared Sara Jessica Parker, this stuff was going to  “lift and firm my face” and give me more “defined contours”. In other words it was going to make my neck look like it was chisiled out of granite, like Sarah’s.  I wanted to see right angles, or at least minimal results. I got nothing…nothing. And it feels clinical  when you put it on. I can smear olive oil on my face with a Q-tip and get better results.

At least my old standby,Olay Active Hydrating Cream feels nice and silky  when I rub it in. And it comes in that comforting light pink box that reminds me of my grandmother, Bubba.  She had beautiful skin.

Next up…L’ore’al’s Cobalt Smokes Studio Secrets Eye Shadow.

The product itself is fine I guess. It’s four, truck-stop shades of blue eye shadow in a plastic box. But someobdy must have been smoking crack when they wrote the instructions on the back.  Not only were they impossible to understand because they didn’t actually make sense but the outcome was laughable. According to the ad I was supposed to “easily create a smokey effect for my eye color”.  I even had my daughter’s 13 and 14 year old friends try to decipher what it was L’Ore’al wanted me to do. After several attempts the girls just laughed and laughed then started texting each other even though they were in the same room.

And the winner of the day?  Maybelline’s the Falsies Macaria. This stuff, which comes in a fat purple tube and costs less than seven dollars, it outstanding.  I have exceptionally wimpy eyelashes. With the help of Falsies, I look pretty good. And Lexie, who has average eyelashes looks really really good. We don’t look as good as the hoochie mommas in their commercials, but we’re getting close. And, Maybelline has a pretty cool website for this product.

Maybe the secret to beauty isn’t in the shopping, it’s in the research.  Last year Mary (oldest daughter) read an article extolling the virtures of a sugar and water paste as an exfolliant.  We all tried it and it’s true. Sugar and water smeared on your face it wonderful. It’s makes your skin smooth and soft and it costs less than a nickel.  Just rinse the sink well when your done or you’ll have an ant problem in the morning.

5 thoughts on “MAKEUP…Stuff That Works and Stuff that Sucks”

  1. I think most guys really appreciate all the work women do to make themselves look beautiful with the myriad of make-up choices. But, from a guys perspective most women usually use too much makeup. Of course that is a broad generalization but you all don’t realize how much we like you ‘as is’. Your eyes and smiles are what light us up, so if they are accented by some nice lipstick, Great. Maybe by a little something with the eyes, greaterer. No, I mean just a little something – not that much. Then make sure the nails are tidy and clean. See, it doesn’t take much. On a special occaision fine, get gussied up!

    I’m not saying the whole make up treatment isn’t nice, but by and large you gals seem to over do it. But then it depends on who you are dressing for – other women who likely wear more make up than you already or for your family.

    A friend emailed a link to an erotic/porn site and as I looked at the pictures on the page I was drawn to the close ups of the faces only pictures with perky eyes and cheerful smiles. I swear! And after nearly 26+ years of marriage a wink and an extra blouse button undone does more for me than lots of makeup (subtle but captivating). Besides, blouses last longer than cute juice.

    My perspective may be unusual but I bet its closer to the norm. Here is my suggestion for a make-up bag: Lipstick, Eyeshadow, nail file and SMILE!

    1. Smiles are hotter, than almost anything else. Guys, I think, really want women who have fun and enjoy sex and flirting and teasing. As far as the makeup goes, Rockin Double B, you should run a political campaign and the platform should be, ‘women are beautiful without all the makeup’. You’d win buddy, cause that’s what we all want to hear, but we don’t believe you. And you have to put some mascara in your makeup bag.

  2. Ok this is hilarious!!! don’t we ALL want to look like Sarah Jessica? I mean wow… she has no flaws. I spend about $20.00 annually on makeup! No lie… I don’t wear foundation, I think I own powder…but I pinch my cheeks in the morning and then use my eye makeup. Because I am so cheap, when I DO wear makeup, my face breaks out. I thought makeup was supposed to make everything better? At least thats what I thought when I was 12….

    1. right, and you never know if it’s gonna work until you get it home. hey, i’ll try to hook up to your blog and see if that works. i think you should have one dedicated to your daughter’s quotes.

  3. I too, am a drugstore makeup addict, so I have a few thoughts! I use the L’Oreal eye shadow you speak of, but in the hues for green eyes. I don’t try to follow the bizzare directions on the back, I just use my normal standby methods of application and blend like crazy. I almost got The Falsies last time I went makeup shopping. I have always thought Maybelline has the best mascaras overall. My favorite beauty product right now is Yes to Tomatoes Facial Hydrating Lotion. I have bad combo skin and it’s the only lotion that evens my skin out! No dry patches, and no grease slicks! My biggest letdown was St. Ives Cellulite Shield. No change at all!

Comments are closed.