Posts Tagged ‘teens’

“Whatever…It Doesn’t Matter” Said The Idiot

I am an emotional hurricane. My emotions are excessive and it drives me crazy. There are days I catch myself acting exactly like a fourteen year old even though I know it’s moronic.  I don’t actually roll my eyes, but I sigh, walk away and say ‘whatever” in my head, over and over. The difference is I know I’m not supposed to be a sullen, snarky teenager, but I can’t help it. Most of the time kids don’t actually know how stupid they are acting so it’s easier to help them through their idiocy.

Here’s what happens.   I get my feelings hurt, I feel unappreciated or slighted. But I don’t tell people how I feel, so they can’t fix it. Instead, I try to forget about it or I act like I don’t care. BUT I REALY DO! Then I do the really stupid teenage thing, I say “Whatever, it doesn’t matter,” over and over in my head. Just like a silly 13 year old girl with braces and too much eye-liner

But It Does Matter…Of Course It Matters. You hurt my feelings;   so I go into self defense mode.

And the fact  you don’t know you hurt my feelings or made me feel bad makes everything even worse… so I “turtle up” . I say the dreaded words….”what-ever, it doesn’t matter” over and over like an old record album with a scratch.  It gets stuck. The mantra of “whatever it doesn’t matter”  is my shield, my chain mail amour, my un- breechable (that’s apparently not a real word, I just made it up but I think it’s a good one) wall. My shark infested moat. You get the idea. If I keep repeating that annoyingly immature phrase they can’t  hurt me anymore..

Teens do the exact same thing for the very same reasons.  But most of them don’t realize their motives. They get hurt, then mad, then really pissed off. They cross their arms and say, “Whatever” then roll their eyes and sigh.

I have lots of names for my immature behavior. I “wall up” ,  “close the blinds”, “turtle up”,  “shut the gate” .

Grownups who don’t have any of my immature problems kind of make me crazy. They seem too perfect, too controlled, too grown up.  Where’s the passion? Hey, I could use a little company in my playpen.

So, if you see me act like an idiot, be patient. Like a teenager, the madder I get the more I care.  If you really piss me off, you can be sure I love you. I’m an emotional hurricane but storm season generally passes pretty  quickly.

Boyfriends With Tattoos

My best friend has a daughter. Her daughter, Sara, who is 18, beautiful, brilliant, in college and she has a new boy friend.

Last night I went to the house to meet this new fellow. I’ll call him Stu.

Well, there he was, very tall and stick like, with long black hair. He was wearing a pair of ragged dirty cut off jeans and a tee-shirt. Stu also  had a very handsome face and a whole lot of tattoos. And when I say a “whole lot” you need to trust my estimation. My son has eight or ten or twelve  and Stu had him beat. There was a massive word written in old English on his chest and then flurries of ink here and there. (However he did not have any on his neck or face).

My first impression wasn’t terrible.  But I was thinking, “Sara, you are so beautiful and smart. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Stu was kind of a handsome, grungy mess. But as we stood in the driveway, he slithered under my friends van and started removing her spare tire. I was stunned. First: He looked as though he knew what he was doing with the tools and spare and this is sometimes unusual for kids these days. Next: He was being really helpful though he and the girl had only been dating for a week or so. And he was actually helping the mom, rather than texting or playing video games. I was impressed.

Then we all went into the house and Stu did not disappear. After washing his hands, he hung out in the kitchen with the adults and talked. Stu with all his tattoes, was growing on me.

Truthfully, I was waiting for him to say something horribe or shocking, I figured he would drop the F bomb or say he respected Charles Manson or tell us all the things wrong with the United States.  He didn’t do any of that. He just flipped his long hair back and was pleasant. THEN, as we all left the house… Stu did the unthinkable, he held the door open for me.  Was it possible this hipster hobo fellow was actually a gentleman?

Needless to say I am a confirmed “Stu Fan”. But I am kind of sad because as a parent I’m so easily impressed.  Thirty years ago a boy who changed a tire, held the door open for a lady and talked to adults rather than playing WOW wasn’t unusual. Now, we are stunned and delighted by the simplist acts of civility.

Still, I’m so happy for my friend because, as any mom with a daughter will tell you. A good boyfriend is hard to find.

I have one additional note. Today, as I was leaving Wal-Mart I recognized a man I’ve  for years. He’s a very popular tattoo artist. I was walking in front of him then we started to chat. “Hey,” he said, “Just to give you the heads up, the slit in your skirt is probably a little more than you want.”

I reached behind to feel my skirt. Holy Cow, the slit was supposed to be three inches but it had torn so anybody walking behind me could easily see my pink and white stripped panties. I was horrified but laughed. “That’s not good, thanks so much for telling me.”

He shrugged, “Actually it was good, but I thought you should know.” So, the 40 year old tattoo guy flirted with me and saved the day. Not bad.

Stupid Adults

Dear Adults,        Sometimes you are so stupid I want to hit you in the face with a coffee mug. How can you be so self absorbed and blind?

Lexie has a fifteen year old friend who is very dear to our entire family. She has been part of our world and Lexie’s best friend since 3rd grade. Sadly, Julie is surrounded by adults with enormous problems. Problems with the law, problems with relationships and marriage, and as a result psychological problems. And these adults talk talk talk all the damn time about their problems and unfortunate circumstances.

Julie, is very mature for her age (she’s had to grow up fast) . She listens and counsels and absorbs all their heavy, dank garbage. She worries and frets because she’s totally submerged in all these issues all the time.

 It’s summertime so she doesn’t even get a break during the day. She’s at home with the stupid adults and their problems.

The adults in her life have problems of their own making, they screwed up. And now Julie is swimming in the problem pool with them, 24/7. As a result she’s become depressed…very very depressed.


Just because a kid is mature does not mean adults should tell them all the details of their stupid freakin’ issues and woes. Do not tell them all about your marriage problems. Do not tell them all about your relationship problems. Do not tell them all about your court case and legal issues and if you feel suicidal…don’t lean on a teenager! That’s not fair or right.

Julie should be thinking about cute boys, shoes, her tan line, school, her future, her phone, movies and friends. But she’s not. She’s worrying about the adults in her life because they talk AT her 24 hours a day, they blow up her phone, they text and they talk and talk and talk. She’s sitting in a vat of “other people’s problems” and she’s too kind and caring to tell everybody to shut the hell up.

I have never been more worried about a child in my life.

Dad Vs The Boyfriend…round one

Last night at a high school graduation I watched a gooey sweet  couple hold hands and hang all over each other. It was kind of gross but they were in heaven.

For almost a year the parents of both  kids trying to break them apart. They have been pitching a fit, drawing lines in the sand, demanding they not see each other.  But the more ultimatums and rules the parents made, the closer the kids became.   Because the parents created a Romeo and Juliet situation the couple fell even more deeply in love. Their relationship became an “us against the world” romantic Walgreen’s novel.

The truth is, if you pit yourself against love…you will lose almost all the time. 

This isn’t just true for parents.  If you have a friend who thinks they are in love and you try to make them see the truth, that  their honey is a super creep-o or a painfully weak and clingy creature they will dump your friendship in 8.3 seconds. 

Humans are hard-wired to choose love over everything else.  We all think our love is different and everyone else is wrong.  So parents, do not make your child choose between you and a new boyfriend.  Be creative, but don’t holster up for a Mexican show down. It’s almost impossible to stop the love train.  You simply can’t watch your child 24/7 . If your daughter thinks she’s in love with obnoxious skinny boy who lives on the wrong side of the tracks  she will find a way to be with him.

If you have a buddy who is in love, do not think your 26 years of friendship is more important than his two month love affair. It  just doesn’t work that way.

Remember when your daughter picks the boyfriend over the parents or your best friend picks the aging truck driver over you, IT”S NOT REALLY ABOUT YOU. They are not making bad decisions to drive your crazy. They are making bad decisions because love makes us all STUPID. They think it’s love, true love and they think you can’t possibly understand.

Humans are romantic fools….it’s just the way God made us.  So pat your 62 year old friend on the back and wish him good luck as he climbs into the $73,000 dollar Ferrari with the new 23 yer old bartender/girlfriend.

Maybe it will work out.

*Leave a comment or email me at hampoland@gmail.com. Tell me a story!

Buy Your Kid A Crappy Car

Recently a friend of mine announced she was buying her 16 year old son a car. He’s a great kid, honor roll, polite, involved.

“Has she had much driving experience?” I asked.

“No, no just got his permit. But we’ll work on it.”

“Is it a nice car?”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful and only has 50,000 miles.” She went on to tell me about the lovely $7,000 dollar car.

At that point I thought my ear drums were going to explode. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “Please please please, buy him a crappy car for the first year. He’s going to bump into every thing and you’ll still be making payments.”

But I was too late, the deal was done. I think he’s  had the car for five months and there have been at least three “incidents”. He’s backed over garbage cans, bumped into fire hydrants and of course the dent on the back right door…”it happend while he was in Wal-Mart”.  I put that in quotes because all teen agers use that line when they bang up their car. 

Nobody every hits my car in parking lots but teen drivers are plagued by these evil does who bump and run.

I think the mom stopped telling me about stuff her son  hit a month or so ago cause it’s embrassing.  But the truth is  he’s normal and human and a teenager. And the pretty car is now a mess.

Here’s another teenage truth, if you buy a kid a fast car, she’s gonna go really fast. A couple of years ago a friend bought his sixteen year old son a bright green Ninja motorcycle. I think the speedometer topped out at 160.  And then my friend was surprised and furious when his son got a  ticket for going 110. Really buddy?  You know teenage brains continue developing until their mid-20s.

My kids ran into plenty of stuff, even a tree, in their first year of driving because it takes time to get good. It takes time to understand distance and speed and it takes time to develop proper reflexes, the one that tell you when to stomp on the gas or the brake in a fraction of a second. 

Mary actually totaled her first car twice in one month. And guess what, we’ve duct tapped that bad boy Ford Explorer back together and that’s the car Lexie gets on her 16th birthday.

The good news is, most of them get better. It just takes time to learn to drive….well. So, unless you have a boat load of money and you just can’t wait to spend it, buy your 16 year old something cheap, something indestructible and something with plenty of insurance.

Write or comment! It makes me happy. hampoland@gmail.com or find me on facebook Diana McDaniel Hampo, I always need more friends.

Rude, Texting, Teens…Our Country Is Lost


Teenagers, they are rude and selfish, withdrawn and distant. That’s what adults think all the time. It seems kids  have lost the ability to carry on a conversation. Or, maybe they can, but they just don’t want to make the effort. So they text and hide behind long swoopy hair when surrounded by adults.

This makes us think they are dysfunctional and possibly stupid. Futhermore, we become worried about the future of our country.  If our children can’t speak intelligently what will happen to America? Will incoherent skate board punks fill the Senate?

First, you have to remember, every generation of teenagers has  been seen as troublesome, dangerous and rude.  I can still see my brother, with his long swoopy hair and shredded jeans as he headed off to Woodstock. Why would he want to talk to adults, they were so old.

I was trying to explain this situation to my 15 year old, Lexie, (who is actually very good at talking to almost anyone with ears) when I realized, most teenagers are actually pretty decent creatures. They simply don’t know what to say to adults who are not part of their world. They can’t talk to them about music or school or most movies.

After “how are you?” kids are at a loss, things get quiet and awkward so they start looking at the cell phones. A fourteen year old boy can’t say so a fifty year old man, “How’s your wife? How are the kids, has your 401K tanked yet?” So, what’s he supposed to do?

If a kid or teenager is stuck at a table or in an office with an adult, I came up with three questions they can ask and the old person will think they are wonderful, insightful and smart.

1. “So, what profession are you in?”  “What do you do for a living?”  Ask about work.

2.”Oh, you’re a teacher(cop, architect, ditch digger) “What’s your favorite part of being a….(dentist,  rodeo clown, CPA, hair band lead singer)?

3. “What did you do before you were a …..(porn star, lawyer, boogie board champion)?

Three questions, that’s all they have to remember and adults will think they are brilliant and destined for greatness. 

And guess what? Lex tried my system with a 45 year old man I introduced her to at a non-profit event and discovered he was an interesting guy!

He was just really really old.

*comment or email me at hampoland@gmail.com, or you can text me if you feel the need 501 545-8372. Thanks!

Teens #1 Complaint About Their Parents

I was poking around on Twitter and found the category/hash tag for “I hate it when my parents…”. In Twitterland it looks like this#ihatewhenmyparents.

As far as I can see the number one complaint from teenagers and kids seems to be when we ask who they are texting. First, I kind of want to tell all these whinny kids to shut up and stop bitching because I’m paying for your phone, but that won’t really help.

Instead, I will say this. Kids, you need to understand that cell phones are very new, and texting is even newer. The first text was sent in 1994 and it was really slow catching on. Now all teens text all the time.  You keep your cell phone clutched in your fist like the  Bald Eagle keeps his deadly talons  wrapped around the American flag.  God forbid anyone try to remove that cell phone from you fist.

As an adult, I can tell you,  it seems as though you are having a bunch of conversations with people we can’t see or hear, right in front of us. Wait, that’s exactly what you are doing. And it’s really really rude. I know you don’t see it that way because you grew up with texting. But we don’t know who you are talking to or what you are talking about. And that’s creepy.

For all I know my beautiful fifteen year old daughter  might be making a deal with a pimp to buy hookers for her boy friend along with an ounce of Purivian cocaine…and she’s doing all this while she is eatting a Pop Tart in the kitchen with me.

You wouldn’t sit at the dinner table with me, eating Thanksgiving dinner, while having a detailed conversation on the phone. You know that would be rude because you are a smart kid.Well, texting is the same thing.And at least, when you are on a real phone, we get the general idea that what and who you are talking to. I’m able to tell you are making plans to go to the movie with your friends and you are not discussing the rising prices of condoms or how to buy Jack Daniels without an ID.

When you text in front of us, we don’t know what the hell you are talking about or who you are talking to. Don’t get mad when we ask, be grateful you have a parent that cares.  I know a lot of kids who don’t have any adults in their lives who care what or who they do.

So we ask, “who are you talking to?” Answer politely, unless it is a Colombian drug lord, and stop texting while you are hanging out with us. We love you and don’t really want to take your phone away. And when you grow up, if you text in front of your boss, he’s probably going to fire you.

The second biggest complaint about parents on Twitter seems to be “I  hate it when my parents come in my room, then when they leave they don’t close the door.”  Hey, grown ups, close the door when you leave your teenagers room! Good Lord, thats just common courtesy…so they can text bad things about you in peace. Just kidding.  I don’t think they are actually interested enough in our lives to spend much time texting about us.

Please let me know what you think, write to me at hampoland@gmail.com  or leave a comment. You can even text me if your really need to.

A High School Blog With A Drama Queen!

    It finally happened. My daughter, Lexie, started her own blog. I think she did it because she’s tired of me telling stories about her all the time. Her blog is all about high school in a rural Southern county. She doesn’t slam anyone but she absolutely tells it like it is. In her first piece she explained why she wanted to punch a girl in the face. The kid is a big time drama queen, so I kind of want to punch her too.

Recently she wrote about kids who say mean things but start the conversation with “No offense but….”  Here’s the dea, if you start a sentence that way you know your going to hurt somebodies’ feelings. So you shouldn’t. Just shut up and talk about the weather.

Lex also used the phrase, “If you can’t fix it, don’t dis’ it”. That’s a really good rule for everyone. If I have black stuff on my teeth tell me so I can go scrape it off. But if my nose looks bigger than usual just leave me alone. I can’t fix it.

So, if you want to take a look into highschool life you should stop by

www.sillystupidhighschoolblog.blogspot.com  Apparently, teenagers do have feelings and are pretty smart.

Parents! I Learned How Sexting Starts!

Yup, the code has been broken.  One of Lexie’s friends recently explained to me exactly how teenaged sexting with pictures starts.

 As parents when we hear that a teenaged girl is in a pickel because she sent a picture of her boobs to a boy we sigh and groan and say ‘what the hell was she thinking, how could this happen?” Well, now I know.

It goes something like this and according to my 15 year old informant the script doesn’t vary much.

Girl and boy are flirting via text.

Guy: “I’m just lying here watching tv. I wish you were here.”

Girl: “Me too”.

Guy: “I’m  sore from lifting weights. But look at this”. Then he sends a picture of himself with his shirt off looking all ripped.

Girl: “Nice lol”

Guy: “You should send me a picture”.

Girls sends a picture of her pretty face.

Guy: “That’s not fair. Send me a good picture.”

And then…if the girl is stupid(that’s how teenager put it)…she sends him a picture of her boobs. If she’s smart she laughs at hims and says something like “No way.”

And then the teenager and Lexie and I discussed the next thing that happens. Both the boy and girl take their phones to school. The girl shows other girls the picture of the guys muscular chest, everybody comments and it’s not that big of a deal. 

And the guy does the same thing. He shows all his friends, team mates and acquaintances, even his little brother and uncle,  the picture of the girl without her shirt. And it’s a very big deal because he promised he wouldn’t show anyone.

As parents I think we have a few options.  We can pull out children out of school and keep them at home for the next ten years.

We can take away their phones or at least give them phones without cameras. Or, we can warn our daughters that this is how the situation almost always unfolds.  The boy will show everybody the pictures on his phone because he’s proud of them and thinks their hot. It’s doesn’t make him a bad guy, it just makes him a normal guy.

After I learned all this from the 15 year old I called one of my older, 20 something kids (I’m not going to name).  I started explaining how all the teenaged sexting starts and was interrupted.  “Mom, I know how it starts.”

Ouch!  And I made a mental note. “Never ever pick up older childs’ phone and casually glance at the photos without permission.”

*Names have not been included to protect the innocent and guilty.