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Posts Tagged ‘Lexie Hampo’

I Feel Sorry For My Daughter

My daughter Lexie takes a beattongueing sometimes, but I don’t think there’s anything I can do to help her.

Here’s the problem. She’s sixteen and has lots of wonderful friends who have boat loads of issues, troubles, stresses and concerns.  I’m not talking the garden variety  problems, these kids have to deal with so much bad stuff.  Some have moronic  moms who stay out at bars all night, then come home  falling down drunk. There are really mean step dads, jealous and greedy step moms and biological fathers who have been missing for years. A lot of times Lexie’s friends are the actual adults in these households. They constantly worry about their little brothers or sisters, they make sure mom gets up and goes to work. and these guys generally have to work and keep up their grades and take care of things at home.

Lexie’s life, our life, isn’t perfect…it’s not even in the same zip code as perfect. But it’s not terrible. She has a beat up car to drive around, clothes, food, a little spending money. Lexie knows how much we love her and how proud we are. She knows Alex and I will get up and go to work every morning and take care of her little brother. So, compared to her friends…she’s got nothing to bitch about.  Several of her buddies have said to me, “I’d give anything to have Lexie’s life.”

But Lexie’s life is absolutely not stress free. There are mammoth pressures on the kid. We expect excellent grades, an excellent attitude and we demand to know where she is all the time. Alex and I screw up constantly because we are human.
There’s a long history of crazy in our family that’s not always easy to deal with.The house is falling apart and there’s never enough money. She has a little brother who can be annoying because he’s a ten year old boy and she has puppy poop to clean up ALL THE TIME. I get stressed out, tense and mean, Alex gets worried about things and clams up. She doesn’t have a closet in her room and there’s only one bathroom for all of us.

But Lex can’t whine and complain to her friends because they just sigh and roll their eyes. They figure puppy poop, a stoic dad and a crappy car are nothing compared to their problems…and they are right….kind of.  Lexie never tells them what’s really upsetting or about the pressure she puts on herself. Because she know, in their eyes, she has no right to complain.

Thankfully she does have a big brother and sister she can talk to. They will listen to her bitch and moan and whine,sometimes.

I  really do feel sorry for Lex because whining about your life and parents is kind of a right of passage. Her friends think her life is shiny and flawless but they are wrong.

As a family we rarely sit around blowing bubbles and holding hands, though this morning, during breakfast we did turn off the lights and  chop open a bunch of glow sticks just to see what kind of shiny mess we could make.

 

 

A Families Secret Language…Happy Chickens and Nipples

Today Lex, who is a junior in high school, texted me. “made a 90 on pre-cal test”.

I texted back “happy chickens.”

Happy chickens? Yup.  In Hampoland, in my house,  when we are really happy we say “happy chickens”.  Then one person extends an open palm and the other  pretends to be a chicken and pecks at the imaginary feed in the open palm. Weird, right? But it’s one of our things. Happy chickens. It’s kind of like a Hampoland secret handshake.

If we want to make somebody laugh we just say, “nipple nipple nipple.” That’s a really fun word and makes everybody happy.

Several members of the family are bi-polar. It’s gone on for generations.  And when one of us is manic and full of ideas, good, bad, brilliant and crazy….we call it “popcorn brain”. 

I’ll  call Jack and say, “I have popcorn brain”  he know that means I have too many  ideas popping around in my head and don’t know which ones I should throw away. The ones I dismiss are “burnt kernels” . 

My family has a secret language. Nobody else knows what we’re talking about but Mary understands exactly what I mean when I say, “we can handle this. We are ‘Team Us'”. 

When Jack and Mary were little, Team USA, the first Dream Team with Michael Jordan, hit the scene.Posters and tee shirts said “Team US”.  We were pretty broke then so I told the kids we were “Team Us”. Nothing was more important than Team Us and we would always take care of Us.  This message sunk in and to this day, twenty years later, Team Us is hampoland and we are all proud team members. 

Five years ago one of my children went crazy and ran off to Canada with a semi-pro hockey player.  Sandor who was three at the time  said, “you can’t go to Can’t- a- da.”  In Hampoland Canada is always pronounced “can’t-a-da”.  And we all get it.

My mom, Ann Stell, died when Jack and Mary were three and four. But she used to say “try not to think hippopotamus.”  When I say that to Lex she knows exactly what I’m talking about.   It means thinking about something people tell you not to think about is freaking impossible!

A few years ago we had a dog that was literally insane.  Seriously, there was something wrong with this little hound dog. One day he pooped in my shoe, which was in my closet.  I don’t mean on my shoe, the dog actually pooped in my shoe.  So, sometimes, we say, “At least he didn’t poop in your shoe.” That means things are bad but they could be much much worse.

Secret languages are magical. They build bridges and provide band aides. I love “happy chickens” it reminds me we are and always will be “Team Us” . And there’s not another team on the planet who speaks our language or understands the hampoland accent and  dialect.

 

20 Things That Make Me Happy!

This is a post from  sillystupidhighschoolblog.blogspot.com  Cause all this stuff made me smile too! DH

1. Bubble wrap    Always has. Always will
2. Cursing with a British accent
It just sounds so proper.
3.Seeing a cat not land on it’s feet
It’s a disgrace to the feline race.
4. Heated arguments over stupid stuff
“No! I wore pink yesterday”
5. Terrible songs we can’t help but like
“I like big butts and I can not lie”
6. Screaming high school coaches It’s just a game

7. Ugly dogs  It’s so ugly you think it’s cute

8. People that quote Dr. Seuss  They may not know anything. But just for a moment you think they’re profound
9. Our national anthem  Yea. It’s just great!

10. Old men in tiny shorts  It’s gross but you gotta give them props. What a man.

11. Slime  Simplicity that keeps you entertained for hours.

12. Hand clap thingies that every elementary girl does at some point in her life.  Apple sticks they make me sick.

13.Skipping school for the horse races   Come on Zippidy Doodat!Go number 7.
14. Afros  Way to be awesome! I want a high-five now.

15. Hot baths and candles. Even alone they’re so peaceful

16. My legs after I shave them  So so so smooth.

17. First glass of milk in the carton  Freshest thing out there.
18. Terrible acting   You watch and think. They get paid how much? For that?
 

19. Mom’s that say inappropriate things “You two would make such cute babies”

20. Punching stuff   BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Write to me  please or leave a comment! e-mailt hampo7@gmail.com
or find me on da face-idy-book  Lexie Hampo

If you don’t I will come to your house and hide under your bed. Muhahaha

Lexie’s Greatest Hits

It’s my daughter, Lexie’s, 15th birthday. That means it’s time to celebrate and embarrass her all in one blog.

Lexie’s Greatest Hits

Jack and Mary were in 4th and 5th grade when Lexie was born. I have wonderful pictures of that day.  Jack and Mary are nearly sitting on top of each other, grinning and laughing,  Mary is obviously squeezing Jack’s leg she is so excited, they are waiting for the doctors to bring her out.

Until she was almost two years old, Lex was a really, really fat little baby. I can say that now because she’s not fat anymore. She had crazy rolls of chub on her legs and her daddy worried. We called her “Buddha Pest”, because she looked like a Buddha and was sometimes a pest. This joke was even more appropriate because Alex is Hungarian.

The kids made up a song for Lexie, “She’s fat and she’s round and she wiggles all around, Heeeyyy Lexarina.”

Mary hated leaving Lexie alone in her crib, so I would find her sometimes, reading to her in the middle of the night.  Lex was sleeping but Mary was still there, keeping an eye on her.

When Lexwas three or four she started wearing red cowboy boots…everywhere…all the time. She wore those boots with her swimming suit, with her Halloween costume, to church and too school. she actually wore out the first pair and we had to get her another. I use those boots as bookends now.

When she was three she would sometimes melt down, throw a fit and one night, when her dad said “no” to something she fell to the ground.  When he tried to pick her up she did that worm thing kids do. She went limp, slid out of his arms and continued crying and screaming.  Alex was just about to spank her when 12 year old Jack bowed up on him for the first time in his life.  He stood up tall and was ready to fight Alex, right there in the kitchen, if he spanked Lexie the Worm.

When she was five she invented a place called “Lexie World”. We were constantly given Lexie World updates. Strangely, pop star Shakira was her sister in Lexie World and she didn’t have a mom in that special and wonderful place. That kind of hurt my feelings.

We were never allowed to call people “fat” at home. But one day, Lexie came home from school crying. She got into the car and began to wail. She was five at the time. I looked at her beautiful tear stained face. “What’s wrong honey?”
“I used the “F Word” today. I’m so sorry.”
Oh my gosh, my baby girl used the F Word, I thought I would die.
Then she said, “I told Heather her cat was fat.”
I was so relieved.
And now Lexie is 15. She is beautiful, elegant and silly.  Tonight is Homecoming and she’s going to the dance wearing enormous black heels.  I love her so much.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl.

A High School Blog With A Drama Queen!

    It finally happened. My daughter, Lexie, started her own blog. I think she did it because she’s tired of me telling stories about her all the time. Her blog is all about high school in a rural Southern county. She doesn’t slam anyone but she absolutely tells it like it is. In her first piece she explained why she wanted to punch a girl in the face. The kid is a big time drama queen, so I kind of want to punch her too.

Recently she wrote about kids who say mean things but start the conversation with “No offense but….”  Here’s the dea, if you start a sentence that way you know your going to hurt somebodies’ feelings. So you shouldn’t. Just shut up and talk about the weather.

Lex also used the phrase, “If you can’t fix it, don’t dis’ it”. That’s a really good rule for everyone. If I have black stuff on my teeth tell me so I can go scrape it off. But if my nose looks bigger than usual just leave me alone. I can’t fix it.

So, if you want to take a look into highschool life you should stop by

www.sillystupidhighschoolblog.blogspot.com  Apparently, teenagers do have feelings and are pretty smart.