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3 Things You Better Not Buy For Your Woman

There are lists all over the place with gift suggestions for men, women and children. Well guys, I’m going to give you a list too. But this is the stuff you should not buy for a woman you love if you ever hope to get kisses or fed again.

1. Nothing useful or practical.  I had a friend who bought his wife a paper shredder shortly after they married. It didn’t go well.  His wife had expressed interest in a shredder, she actually wanted one, but not as a present.  If you buy your wife pots and pans, a juicer, a new vacuum etc…you are sending the message, “Get Back To Work Woman”.

#2.Do not buy her anything to do with weight loss or wrinkles, nothing to make her look younger. The moment you do you’ll be on very very thin ice, covering a body of water so frigid it will take you months to warm your flesh up.  I’m proud of my husband Alex, last night I saw an ad for a serum to make me  look years younger, it would diminish all my wrinkles and make me beautiful.  I said something like, “that would be great in my stocking”. And he said, “no way, that means I’d be telling you I thought you had wrinkles.” It’s taken him twenty years but he gets it, he understands and I’m happy  for him. He didn’t fall through the ice into the  hopelessly icey lake of  “pissed off/indignet wife”.

#3. Please don’t buy her anything like a Santa sweater or Snowman Hat.  If she’s that kind of woman she’ll get it for herself.  And stay away from sluty/sexy laungarie. You know in your heart you are buying those fishnet hose for yourself, not for her. And she knows that too.

Now you are on your own. Go out and find her something that doesn’t say  “Cook me a steak  Mrs. Claus then look super sexy and let me watch football.” 

Good luck, guys.