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Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Manly Divorce Lawyers

I saw the weirdest ad in the newspaper this week. It’s for a local attorney who specializes in divorce. He represents men for the most part and I swear in his ad it says, “If your doe is chasing other bucks, give me a call.” And he’s posing with an 8 point deer head. He goes on to say “your wife and children will lie about you and DHS will ruin your life.” And he backs that statement up with a bible verse from 1st Corinthians. I swear, there is no mention of DHS in my King James version of the bible. This guy totally creeps me out.

Two thirds of divorce proceedings in America are started by women and fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. That’s a lot of girls hitting the door and waving good buy. ( I found a divorce calculator if you’re interested).

And when wives do end a marriage,  I guess men think the women are treated better by the judicial system. I can’t blame the guys for getting manly divorce lawyers who not only represent but protect. I was asked to look at the “one man firm” at Cordell&Cordell Reviews.
They represent dudes, but in an entirely different way than the previously mentioned crazy deer hunting lawyer. They council men on how to be smart during a divorce, they host seminars like “The Ten Stupid Things Men Do”. I can think of a few, including trying to cut their own hair and eating an entire large meat lovers pizza. Their phone number spells out “Dads Law” and they claim to be ‘a partner men can count on.”

So guys really are feeling like they’re getting shafted by the courts. Women leave men, file for the divorce and then win in court. It does sound like a pretty good deal for the girls. What a reverse in our society. The power has shifted.

Maybe it’s because men and women think about marriage differently. Men are told it’s time to “settle down”, but girls start thinking and dreaming about their wedding and marriage right about the time they get their first Barbie and Ken.  Girls  dream about their wedding. I’ve never known a boy who admitted to dreaming about his wedding would he close his eyes and imagine his tuxedo?  I don’t think so.

Guys kind of give up and get married, their expectations aren’t through the roof. Girls believe marriage will make them happy. And when it doesn’t match up to all her beautiful romantic dreams, when he watches tv instead of telling her she’s beautiful, when he stops noticing her dress or the color of her eyes….she calls a lawyer.

Parents, I Know You’re Not Stupid…But What The Hell Are You Thinking?

Parents should read this but they will not. Kids will read it but they shouldn’t. I should not write it cause I’m going to make people mad but right now I don’t care. I’m mad.

This week I’ve been surrounded by parents doing stupid and selfish stuff and they don’t seem to realize they are hurting their kids and setting a bad example. Sometimes I’m a wretched parent but I pray someone will hit me in the head with a gallon of milk if I do some of this stupid shit.

Case #1 Mom acts like a freakin’ teenagger and expects her daughter to be mature. Mom falls off the radar, doesn’t answer her phone, doesn’t let her family know where she is for 24 hours. If her teenager doesn’t answer her phone for an hour the world explodes and kid get grounded for weeks and weeks. Mom doesn’t get grounded though because she’s the “grown up”. (For those of you who don’t realize it those quote marks surrounding grown up are air quotes full of sarcasm and eye-rolling). Mom doesn’t like doing laundry and expects the kids to do it for her. Mom doesn’t buy fruit because it’s expensive.

Mom, your child loves you so much and really really wants you to act like a mom.  She’s counting on you to show her how to act like an adult and to say your are sorry when you screw up.

Case #2 After a twenty year marriage, there is a divorce and mom wants to date again after four months. The teenaged child has absolutely no interest in meeting or talking to any of the new boyfriends. They all piss him off cause he still loves his dad. He’ll always love his dad. In a year he’ll be ready to meet the new men in his mom’s life but not now. Still, the mom insists the son hang out with new men, they all go to the movies or to football games. But the boy just gets resentful and angry. Come on woman, use your freaking CPA brain. Yes, you should date, you are divorced, but don’t force your son to meet these guys. It’s way way too soon. He’s gonna act like a 15 year old jerk face punk because it looks like you are choosing these men over him. All you have to do is date when he’s not around, date but don’t shove his face in it and make him hang out with the guys. Give the kid a year to get used to the idea of divorced and dating mom.

Mom, listen to me, make your son your number one priority for a while.  You’ll have time to do all the stuff you want to do but right now, you are everything to that boy. The divorce wrecked his world, even if it was the right move. So don’t blow it. He loves you and needs you.

If you don’t know if you are doing the right thing, all you have to do is think about the case in reverse or put other people into your situation and see how you feel. Chances are you are a decent loving person who knows right from wrong. Just take a minute and think and then follow your heart.