Posts Tagged ‘dentist’

Gross Teeth and Cash in My Pocket

nelly-grillzIt’s Spring time and that means fifth grade Science Fair projects.  Sandor and I started going through the possibilities.  Of course the grosser and most disgusting moved to the top.

He decided he wanted to get some teeth, put them in different sodas and document how quickly they rotted. Sounded pretty easy. But we would need some teeth. Sandor had one in his room and I found that a little odd.

The next day I asked the facebook world and some friends about getting teeth. Everybody felt pretty sure dentists wouldn’t give me teeth. That would be a little like trafficking human body parts. Friends offered cow and deer teeth so there was a back up plan.

The next day  I walked across the street to a local dentist just to ask if deer and cow had teeth similar to human. Much to my surprise and horror they said,” we have teeth you can have.” A nurse appeared with six sealed envelopes. There was a tooth in each one.  But they were ancient, disgusting, brown and rotting with crowns and caps. Of course they were gross, nobody asks a dentist to pull a nice pretty white tooth.

When she told me lots of people asked for teeth I felt a little squirrely. Who wants used teeth, witches… voodoo people?

Then she gave me some latex gloves and a mask, “They’ve all been sterilized but you might want him to wear these while he’s touching them.”

When I got back to the office a friend named dick and I started looking at my new and disgusting teeth. Two of them had great big gold crowns.

“You should take these to my buddies at the pawn shop.”


“Seriously, take these in.” I made a face at him.

Driving home my oldest daughter, Mary called. She needed two hundred dollars for the dentist. Seriously.

Sandor of course wanted to keep all the teeth because they were gross. but they weren’t staying in my house.

So, yesterday I went to the pawn shop with my little baggie of teeth. Those guys got excited and  immediately broke the teeth out with a hammer. The fillings were 16 karat. They gave me eighty dollars….which of course went to Mary, who needed money so she could go to the dentist and get a filling.


I Learned Something From My Dentist…And It Doesn’t Involve Floss

I got a new dentist a couple of weeks ago and I was terrified. I was going to  let a new man in my life and in my mouth. I was going to let a new man with unfamiliar instruments poke around my gums and molars. I would be totally exposed and vulnerable to Dr. Dillon of Monarch Dental.

I think most of us hate going to the dentist because there’s rarely any good news. You can have thirty perfect teeth and the dentist will focus on the one with the cavity, of course, that’s his job.

But  Dr. Dillon was different. The first time he looked in my mouth it sounded like this, “Good, good, this one looks nice, oh, we need to work on this area. These are all fine. The gums are good, excellent. Ok, here’s a little spot we need to pay attention to.”
In other words, my dentist used the sandwich method! I love the sandwich method. We try to use it when teaching little kids Taekwond do. And every decent teacher encorportates the sandwich method unless she’s some old hag. In martial arts the sandwich method goes like this. “Joey, good job, your punch is getting a lot faster, you just make sure you don’t tuck your thumb inside your fist. or it will get broken. And you’re hitting harder, like you mean it, not like a little girl in a slap fight.” 

The sandwich method, Compliment, Correct, Compliment.

Finally, I have a dentist who understand my need for praise and didn’t beat me up.

Once the nurse sucked all the spit out of my mouth I said, “You use the sandwich method! You said nice things!”

“Well,” he said and pulled down his mask. “I’ve got seven kids. I know you have to reinforce the positive.”  Didn’t Kermit the Frog say something like that? “You have to tell people what they are doing right.”

Finally, a dentist who understands children, sandwiches and my fragile ego. I’ve been looking for this guy all my life. I think I’ll go home,tell my kids all the things they are doing right and floss really well (more…)