HampoLand

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Pot Delivery Service,Broken Arms and Pie…Hampoland in Review

When I look  back at the stuff that happend last year I’m grateful we are alive and happy, but I also have to think, “what the hell is wrong with us?”. If you don’t know a Hampo personally this list won’t mean a thing to you.

You know how people send you those annoying Christmas letters with all their activities and accomplishments?  This is like that but way better.

Here we go: A look back at 2010

  • Alex takes the Executive Production Chef at Oaklawn Racetrack and faces 6,000 pounds of corned beef in one day.
  • I become mildly obsessed with Mike Tyson and I think it’s creeping my family out.
  • We declare Bankruptcy and it’s not as bad as you’d think.
  • Jack actually graduates from college, hands me his diploma and says, “you  can have this. I’m done.”

We put a pedomitor on Alex at work.  He averages 13 miles a day! No wonder he’s tired.

  • Jack goes to Turkey and discovers….there’s a bunch of people in the Middle East who don’t like Americans. humm. Then discovers you shouldn’t try to leave the Middle East on a plane with a backpack looking like a guy named Mohammed.
  • Doctors discover I have almost no blood. I get a massive tranfussion and feel much better. I ask for some Asian blood to improve my Martial Arts skills but they say no.

Mary suddenly becomes ridicicilously georgous and we are all blinded by the sparkle.

  • Life Size Pizza comes out with an album and nobody in the family can stop singing the song “Meth Head Bitch”.
  • Mary figures out how to pick a  good boyfriend. We like Richard.
  • Sandor goes to second grade and we discover he’s actually really really smart. We always thought he was just “funny.”
  • Mary gets a lab coat and learns she  likes cutting up dead things. Oh, that’s called dissecting.
  • Lexie gets a planter’s wart that so big it makes the podiatrist say, “Holy Moly That’s a Whopper”!
  • Sandor gets to play flag foot ball because Alex took a $20,000 pay cut and can get him to practice.
  • I start the Hampoland blog so I can fictionalize our life and embarrass my children.
  • Marching season starts for Lexie and that swallows her life cause she’s a band geek. Fountain Lake gets a new field!
  • Lexie goes out with Ethan,who plays foot ball and is a deer hunter. At 14 she’s a deer widow.  But he texts from the deer stand so it’s not that bad…I guess.
  •  Sandor breaks his arm playing “wall ball”during recess. His $20,000 flag football season is ruined.
  • Jack goes to New York and discovers pot and sushi delivery services.  Then he gets a job at Pies and Thighs, a funky and fabulous, soon to be super famous restraunt (great reviews in the New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/19/dining/reviews/19under.html and ZAGAT) . They serve fried chicken, catfish and his favorite
    “chicken and bisquit with honey and hot sauce” so Jack feels right at home. Hank Jr. is right, a country boy can survive.
  • After ten years of Taekwondo Lexie discovers Kickboxing and she looks really bad a** in her pink   and black sportsbra. She  punches like a 200 pound cage fighter. That’s my girl.
  • Mary tells us we can’t put a name of her relationship with Richard. But he teaches Sandor a new drum solo so we don’t mind.
  • The running joke in the family for Christmas, “Mary is A Disco Ball, that’s why gay guys don’t seem to like her.”

The year has come full circle, Race Meet starts in just a few weeks and Alex will look at all that corned beef again. Happy New Year!

*don’t forget to eat your black eyed peas today! DH

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